She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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