Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
