haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
