weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
