My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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