I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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