I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
