So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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