Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
