i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
