I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
...so i touched it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
