I am in a vortex of obligation.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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