he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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