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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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