i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
