too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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