Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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