I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
