I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
