shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
