we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
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