Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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