I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
