She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
