I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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