Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I love having hate sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My dick has a subreddit
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
