a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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