so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize