You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
