We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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