Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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