i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
