Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
