Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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