I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
