She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
