He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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