I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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