goodnight i made you a song goodbye
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
