I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
