Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
