Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Randomize
