every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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