Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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