Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
