After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
