another moral hangover. fuck.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
