Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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