Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
