So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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