So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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